Why it's so hard to stop doing bad things???

Hey everybody,
Huge step backward this month. Why it's so hard to stop doing things, which you know are destructive to you? I struggle with two things in my live very much, first one is smoking and second one is going in-play after few bigger losses then trading. I am disgusted by these two and dream about stop doing them, but I am failing... I know my life would become a lot more easier healthier and richer if I can achieve it. Any comments about any  experience in these areas are very very welcome. 
I know a trigger for that my in play problem, after few bigger losses(spikes) in the market(especially in the hard days)  I just can't accept it, even I know that it will gonna be destructive and more painful, but I just do it. So I am forced to keep my trading bank low, I can't trust myself, I can't afford to build it bigger to blow it... What I am afraid of that the same thing gonna happen in the future forex trading too, I will just put too big position size, turn of any stop losses and will be gonna watching a destruction.
Similar thing with my smoking ... I read books, hypnotized myself, was asking  help in Allen Carr's Easy Way  clinic, tried some medicine, spend lots of money on various "help" stuff. I want, but it seems I can't. I swear myself to stop hundreds times, however only for only few hours to few days and I am smoking more and more... Probably I hate this more than going to in play to give back so hard earned money for free.
Well in this month I got in the in play 5 times, 4 was a big loosers, and one saved me some money... Complete nonsense that I am still doing this ... Here is October PL

In this month I traded lot less markets in the betfair, was trying to concentrate more in forex trading(learning). Still reading that hardcore book about price action(very very hard slow reading, but tons of good info there), what I mentioned in the last post. Watching charts in the real time and playing with demo account. One day I managed to make from 5k to 35k :D but without any money management, just wanted to watch huge play money amounts. Still my win ratio looks bad, about 40-60% in the different days. My objective is to reach 70%, triple demo account with money management and then I will gonna put some real money. However still tons of learning must be done.
Well, I need to get some optimism and get back on the right path... Good luck and profitable trading.

Getting better (month review)

Hello,
Finished September with €1,797.00 profit. Traded 631 markets. Got two losers days (tiredness and frustration break out). Had 4 day offs and all of them were in Mondays, I believe markets are worse in this week day. In most days liquidity in markets was not satisfying, but I managed to reach consistent results and I am very happy of that. I increased my trading balance and staking a little bit, I am getting more confident with my actions in the markets.

New internet connection
I got a very important change in this month: it's my internet connection. Was having responses 75-200 with my old, and with a new 90-140 toy is showing. However my old was not consistent, ping jumping to red at least once in 5-20 seconds, and now no reds at all :) And of course results got a lot better. Never thought that internet connection is so important, but it is. Maybe in the future I will get even better one, with stable 60-90 response times from betfair, when I will be able to get optical internet connection.


Scalping
Most of the time I am scalper, taking 1-4 tick profit. Most of the time trading non favs. I always watch charts to notice forming patterns, like doubles, head and shoulders, trends, triangles or just plain support resistance levels. That knowledge of technical analysis helps me with my trading. What I started to see in the markets is then traders starts to take profits or cut their losing positions, it helps a lot with my trading decisions.


My traders mindset is getting better
Some days in this month I got very frustrated... angry... unhappy... and these feelings of course pulls me out from right traders mindset and my PL starting to get shitty. However I already have a cure for this. I take a psychology of trading book, read few chapters, if necessary to flush frustration and negative feelings I sit for meditation session, after this I am like new, making a restart to my overwhelmed head. After these actions my PL gets to new highs :) Fully concentrated, disciplined, patient, calm, fully immersed in the markets and price action, confident ... I LOVE THIS MIND STATE and how my pl grows with it. It's a lot more fun then trading! It becomes like high performance competitive sport :)
However I am still very careful with my growing trade balance. Don't want to make it big to blow it ... My goal remains the same, slow and steady, consistent trading. 


Forex - brain said no!
Well, forex thing is not so good how I wish to be. After few weeks of very hard work in both trading arenas and tons of reading my brain said - stop, stop this obsession, too much, too stressful and too exhaustive. Got very lazy with trading/reading/improving in forex. So I will do it very very slow, I will run nowhere with this kind of rush. I need to keep my inside resources alive. I will trade only one researched simple edge on m15 TF with small position only London session. Will take only 0-2 trades per day.
Yesterday I got a HARDCORE reading about price action :) I think it's a best thing to master, and I will stop searching for best indicator/system.

Well, that's all what I had to say. Good luck!